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The Big Move.

April 27, 2010

When I started dating my boyfriend, Erik, in December 2008, we were living exactly 36 miles away from each other. That might not seem that far, but there is no exactly route between my place and his, so it usually took closer to an hour to drive and about forty minutes to take the train.

Then last summer, we discussed moving. We knew we weren’t ready to move in together but we knew that this hour long commute was draining, both physically and financially. Although we discussed moving to various parts of New Jersey and Westchester, at the end of the day, I ended up doing what I had dreamed of doing since I was in high school: I moved to New York City.

This meant that we now lived 28 miles away from each other and it takes a whopping forty-five minutes to drive between my place and his, or half an hour by train if I happen to catch the express.

Erik and I have been dating for almost a year and a half and we are tired of it.

So we made a big decision.

And Erik is moving to New York City.

But he’s not moving in with me.

(I totally had you going, didn’t I? Sorry…)

Call us old-fashioned but Erik and I don’t have any plans on moving in together in the immediate future. Maybe we will someday, but not right now. It’s something we have discussed at great lengths and it’s just not something we are interested in doing. Erik is moving to a different neighborhood in Manhattan than where I live, but he will be relatively close to me by subway and he will still be relatively close to where he works “upstate.”

Erik is officially moving to New York City this afternoon, but I probably won’t see the place until later this week after he is unpacked and settled. He is moving in with roommates – three of them! – so between my apartment and his apartment, we’ll be sharing our space with five other people. But when you live in a city of 8 million people, what’s a couple more? At least we have our own rooms! (Not everyone in this city can say that…)

After 16 months of packing up for the weekend or having Erik’s backpack hanging out in our living room, I am thrilled that we’ll finally be just a subway ride away. Being closer means that we don’t have to worry about Erik driving back to his apartment late at night. Running errands on our own during the weekend will be easier now that we’re not “entertaining” the other person.

Have you done long distance before? How did it work for you?

  1. April 27, 2010 10:24 AM

    That is SO exciting!!! I’m so happy for you! I haven’t “technically” done the long distance thing, but for a little while I dated someone whose career was basically flying around the world performing at shows and festivals. He was only ever home for a week or so at a time and was usually gone for months at a time, which was hard. Sweet and I’s first year was tough too in that he worked 7 days a week, 14 hours a day, and was gone every other weekend (CFL!) but I think once you go through that you can make anything work! I’m so excited for you! 🙂

  2. April 27, 2010 10:26 AM

    Congrats you guys! 🙂

  3. April 27, 2010 10:27 AM

    Congratulations – having him in the same city will be so much fun! I love that you guys are taking it slow and are doing what’s right for you, and that you get to eliminate all that commute time. What a life saver! =)

  4. April 27, 2010 11:23 AM

    Congrats!!! It’s good you are taking things slow and now that you’re only a subway away from each other you’ll get to spend so much more time together. Enjoy!

  5. April 27, 2010 11:26 AM

    that is exciting!

    DH and I were long distance for a year. I moved 600 miles away for a job and his plans were to join me when he found a job. Except it didn’t work out that way. We had many a Nintendo dates playing online games with our DS or our Wii. We had dinner dates where he and I would cook the same thing while on the phone together and eat dinner. We got webcams. We had TV dates where we would be on the phone and watch 24 or something together. We spent tons of money on plane flights and car drives and hotels and what not.

    It was well worth it. We had dated about 15 months before I moved so far away. That lasted 1 year. I came back to him because the distance was too much and he couldn’t find a job where I lived. I was able to find a job where he lived. We got married a short 10 months later after a total of 3 years together. You definitely learn how to communicate (although no perfectly) when distance is such a big factor. Thank goodness we both had the same wireless carrier! 🙂

  6. April 27, 2010 2:47 PM

    I’ve done long distance. We went from Pittsburgh and Philly to Pittsburgh and Harrisburg to Pittsburgh and the county north of Pittsburgh to Pittsburgh and a town ten minutes down the street. It went slow and it was difficult to be apart at times, but I’m glad we didn’t move in together too fast. Congrats!

  7. April 27, 2010 5:42 PM

    Congrats, Allison! As I think I mentioned to you before, when we were still dating, my husband and I were across the country from each other for 1 year, then about an hour or so away for two years, and then moved in together about a month before we got married. Even though the long trips back and fourth were a pain, I never regretted any of it, and it made moving in when we got married so fun! Enjoy being closer together!

  8. April 28, 2010 3:23 AM

    That’s awesome that he’s moving closer to you! I have been there with the whole long distance thing. My husband and I were high school sweethearts. My family moved us to Arizona from Washington State & it was hard on our relationship. We got through it (2 years). The longest we’ve gone without seeing each other was probably almost 3 months. Once we went to college, we became inseparable! Now looking back I’m glad we had a long distance relationship because it made us trust each other and we learned so much from each other. Although I don’t think I could do it again now, haha.

  9. Hannah permalink
    April 28, 2010 5:49 PM

    Matt and I did long-distance all through college, and well, you *know* how that one worked out. 🙂

    I honestly think long-distance is kind of a good thing for relationships–it helps you learn how to communicate more, and about more things!

  10. April 28, 2010 8:24 PM

    I have to agree with everyone else – long distance can be great for your relationship because you ‘talk’ – there’s none of the day to day clutter. We were an hour’s plane ride apart, and caught up in person every fortnight. Did that for almost a year. Hard? Yes. But made us stronger for it.

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