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Hard, Cold Nights

November 17, 2008

This is my third (or fourth) attempt at starting this blog post but I’m not really sure what to say other than I’ve been crying on and off for the last four hours. I can’t even talk about why I’m crying because this blog is so god-forsakenly public. It’s something I regret occasionally – not always, but sometimes. I regret making this place so easily accessible to people, to all the people who I should have known I’d eventually want to write about. My friend, my family, my job, even people in this community. But I’m too much of a good girl and I would never expose someone in a public forum that would hurt them. But there’s a lot of things right now that I’m not very happy about and I’m really just trying to get through it. Survive the next couple of weeks and hope that something shifts. I don’t really know what my other options are. Going to movies aren’t going to change people, eating a lot of chocolate isn’t going to change people, screaming into a pillow isn’t going to change people. There are just some things that you just have to deal with the best that you can and trust that who you are is just fine and that there isn’t anything wrong with you. No matter how many times they ignore you, no matter how many times they smile sweetly and then turn the other direction, no matter how many times they belittle you, no matter how many times they change their mind. There is nothing wrong with me. I’m Allison. And I’m awesome.

12 Comments
  1. Sara permalink
    November 17, 2008 11:21 PM

    I think there is something about fall/winter than makes our emotions feel more extreme. I am glad I live in Florida because a weekend at the beach can do wonders!
    I hope you feel better soon!

  2. November 17, 2008 11:35 PM

    you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it people like you!!

    you ARE awesome. if you need anything, i’m around on gmail.

    -ashley

  3. November 17, 2008 11:51 PM

    Hang in there Allison. Things will get better.

  4. November 18, 2008 1:07 AM

    Thinking of you Allison.

  5. November 18, 2008 6:25 AM

    Hang in there, sissy.

  6. November 18, 2008 9:44 AM

    you are awesome.🙂 true story!

  7. November 18, 2008 10:17 AM

    ((((hug))))

  8. November 18, 2008 10:58 AM

    Allison, you are an extraordinary young woman– smart, beautiful, articulate, a talented writer, a caring person… and so MUCH more.

    Do not — I repeat — do NOT forget that.

    (Oh yeah, and you’re also a lot taller than I thought you’d be.🙂

  9. November 18, 2008 10:59 AM

    Thanks everyone! Ya’ll are definitely *not* the people I’m having problems with, that’s for sure!

  10. November 18, 2008 2:59 PM

    Hey Allison,

    I’m sorry that sucky stuff is obviously going on for you right now.

    You are awesome, so you’d better believe it. In my experience, people who ignore or belittle others usually do it to bolster their own non-existent self esteem. I’d hate to see people like that bring you down.

    (((Hugs))) Thinking of you.

  11. November 18, 2008 11:28 PM

    You are Allison. You are awesome!

  12. November 19, 2008 12:11 PM

    Allison –

    No, going to the movies, eating chocolate, and screaming into your pillow wont change people – but if they make you feel better, go for it. (((hugs)))!

    You are awesome! And you still have an open invite to visit ; )

Comments are closed.