Hard, Cold Nights
This is my third (or fourth) attempt at starting this blog post but I’m not really sure what to say other than I’ve been crying on and off for the last four hours. I can’t even talk about why I’m crying because this blog is so god-forsakenly public. It’s something I regret occasionally – not always, but sometimes. I regret making this place so easily accessible to people, to all the people who I should have known I’d eventually want to write about. My friend, my family, my job, even people in this community. But I’m too much of a good girl and I would never expose someone in a public forum that would hurt them. But there’s a lot of things right now that I’m not very happy about and I’m really just trying to get through it. Survive the next couple of weeks and hope that something shifts. I don’t really know what my other options are. Going to movies aren’t going to change people, eating a lot of chocolate isn’t going to change people, screaming into a pillow isn’t going to change people. There are just some things that you just have to deal with the best that you can and trust that who you are is just fine and that there isn’t anything wrong with you. No matter how many times they ignore you, no matter how many times they smile sweetly and then turn the other direction, no matter how many times they belittle you, no matter how many times they change their mind. There is nothing wrong with me. I’m Allison. And I’m awesome.