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Love. Or Lack Thereof.

November 11, 2008

Over the past couple of days, I’ve been reading a lot of wedding blogs. The reason I’ve been reading them isn’t because I’m getting married but because I’m working on a project for a client that involves wedding photography.

Despite the enormous number of wedding blogs on the blogosphere (I’m pretty sure they outnumber the O.C.!), each one manages to retain a unique perspective, design and content (hey, kinda like us!). They are probably the most enjoyable blogs to read because they are so damn happy. I mean, it’s hard to have a melancholy wedding blog or an angry wedding blog. Weddings, by nature, are happy (okay, stressful, but happy) and so many of the bloggers are so effervescent and excited.

They make me want to be a wedding blogger.

I’ve maybe mentioned once or twice a fact about myself that I, personally, regard as a bit embarrassing: I’ve never had a boyfriend. No, really. Never. Yes, never. I’ve never even really dated anyone.

Now, before you get into the whole, “Oh, it’s okay, you should enjoy being single. Enjoy be free… blah blah blah, here’s the thing: I did enjoy being single. I’ve enjoyed being single for a very long time (23 years of enjoyment). I know the perks of being single. I mean, hey, being single was one of the keys in my ability to pack up house and move across the continent without having to ask permission from anyone. Being single is fine. For awhile.

But I’m twenty-three years old and I don’t remember the last time someone showed interested in me and quite frankly, it’s a little unnerving. I like to think I’m a perfectly normal, likeable person. I’m not crazy. I’m pretty enough, right? (Don’t answer that). I have all my teeth. I have a lot of friends. I can’t think of that many people who don’t like me.

I know that when I first moved here it was challenging to meet people, but my schedule is busy enough. It’s not like I’m all alone in a room all day long. I’m a contributing member of society! I go to church, I go to networking events, I’ve even tried online dating (multiple times and failed in multiple ways). Some people I know find their true love in high school. Other people met their signficant others when they were much older. I think the worst part of waiting is not knowing when it’ll be over. I don’t think it would be so bad if I just knew it was next month or next year.

Sometimes I blame the diabetes. I know, it’s silly and not true and probably harming me in the long run. But sometimes I really do think the reason no one likes me is because I have diabetes. Which is clearly not the case at all. Sometimes I think it’s my weight. I’m a size 14. But I also know a lot of big(ger) girls who fall in love and get married. So that can’t be The Answer to the Neverending Question of why no one wants to date me.

It was quite a coincidence reading Hannah’s post on Sunday because I had been thinking about writing this post for awhile now. Singleness. Loneliness. Maybe it’s the holiday commercials with couples walking through Central Park as the snow falls down. Those commercials are annoying after awhile.

Like most of my posts lately, I don’t have much of a conclusion. Unless you know a cute single Christian guy in the New York City area who doesn’t mind dating a Borg (hey, I have to use all my options!).

  1. November 11, 2008 3:34 PM

    I always tell people that no matter how unsuccessful they find online dating, to just stick with it. That’s how I met Jason after having done the internet dating thing for 2 years. My advice about it is far too lengthy to leave in a comment though, so help me remember and I’ll share my internet dating philosophy with you next time I see you if you’re interested. Of course, by then you could have met an awesome dude.

  2. November 11, 2008 3:48 PM

    Lee Ann: Quick question: which service did you use?

  3. November 11, 2008 3:50 PM

    Well, heck! You never mentioned you had all your teeth before!! LOL!!!

    Seriously though, you are a very beautiful and bright young lady. You’ll stumble onto your true love when you least expect it.

  4. November 11, 2008 3:57 PM

    Scott: Awww. Thanks! Hehe. Yes, I have all my teeth! Spread the word!

  5. November 11, 2008 4:28 PM

    If it helps any, I didn’t meet Pea until I was 31 and we didn’t get married until I was 36. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that there wasn’t anyone out there for me, and I’d die a spinster. I always hated when people said “It will happen when you least expect it” . . . . but it did. I just wished I could have “not expected it” sooner! 🙂

    He’s out there – he just hasn’t found his way to you yet.

  6. November 11, 2008 4:30 PM

    My last boyfriend (who I dated for over a year and would probably still be with if he didn’t live in, well, Chicago) I met through online dating. The site I use is OKCupid, because it’s completely free and has an overall friendly atmosphere. I’m currently talking to another guy I met on there and we’ll probably be hanging out soon. You definitely get your fair share of crappy guys to wade through, but there are some good guys out there and you just have to keep your head above the water.

    If you want, I have plenty of guy friends I could introduce you to! lol.

    And, yes, Allison, you are pretty. You’re a very gorgeous, voluptuous woman, actually!

  7. November 11, 2008 5:13 PM

    Oh, honey….the stories I could tell you. I was 23 before I got my first kiss. And the story behind that is embarrassing in itself. I never even went out on a date until I was 22. E-mail me sometime and I’ll share with you…about the “concerned” friends and family who try to set me up (resulting in several HORRIBLE blind dates), the whole finding a Christian thing (are there ANY out there???), and diabetes…
    I swear, I could have written this post.
    Believe me, I understand.

  8. November 11, 2008 5:26 PM

    Karen: Thanks for sharing your story! Keeps me hopeful!

    Erica: I will check out OKCupid. I definitely can’t go with the paid sites anymore. They are too spendy.

    Cara: I’ve only kissed 2 guys, and they were more random hook-ups then relationships, sadly.

  9. November 11, 2008 7:37 PM

    oh, allison! being pretty and a 14, thats not a bad thing at all! men like curvy women, they just have to see you first.

    try OkCupid. if anything you’ll make some new friends! i met a couple fun people through there.

  10. November 11, 2008 8:18 PM

    We used From the commercials I’ve seen, it looks a lot different than it did when we met which was 6 years ago, but as far as I know, it’s still fundamentally the same. Personally, I don’t like the ones that try to pair you with others based on whatever statistical-mathematical-probability-calculation-computations-magic they’ve patented and developed. I’m pretty sure Jason and I never would have been matched up on a site like that. They can superimpose all the math and science they want into the match-making process, but you just can’t account for good old-fashioned sparks. Jason wasn’t really ‘my type’ (shows what I knew about that!), but as it turned out, we complement each other really well. Overall, I think the key is to meet as many people as you can that seem interesting – just for coffee – no silly romantic stuff with someone you don’t know. When you find someone you really like, have a relationship, but until then, date – it’s just fun to meet people and understand better what you want and don’t want. My approach isn’t necessarily the right way for everyone, but I didn’t think it was the right way for me until someone convinced me to let go of expectations and just have fun with it. Turns out, that way worked. Bah… I’m totally making the long post I meant to not make so I’ll just stop there.

  11. November 11, 2008 9:27 PM

    What many other posters have said. Keep at it, particularly with the online dating. There used to be this fabulous coffee shop in NYC called Drip that had books of personal ads that you could peruse and then meet the person at the shop…but they’ve since closed. But you never know when some new church person thinks they might know someone, or a coworker has a cool cousin who just moved to town, or whatever. Let people know you’re looking and things might transpire in interesting ways.

    The Mister and I, before we met, went on dozens and dozens of blind dates. We ultimately met when he was at a party, complaining about his latest, and a friend of mine overheard him and mentioned me. We emailed, finally met, and nearly two years later, moved in together and later got married. All this to say that it’s likely a numbers game–just keep at it (when you’re in the right frame of mind, not when you’re burned out by it) and something will transpire. You might not meet Mister Alison Blass right away, but you might meet someone who’s worth being the first serious relationship you have.

    Besides, not to be too much of a realist, but the wedding is just one day. You want to find someone who’s worth sticking with for a long long time. Marriage isn’t the wedding, but if you’re lucky, the wedding is a great celebration of the relationship that flourishes beyond it.

    Sorry to go on and on!

  12. Katie permalink
    November 11, 2008 9:29 PM

    i’m pretty sure i could copy and paste this post to my blog and no one would be the wiser. seriously.

  13. Aaron permalink
    November 11, 2008 9:29 PM

    I was 24 when I met my (later to become) wife. Neither of us had previous relationships before. We met in university – although I had already graduated I was taking a couple of courses (for various reasons) and met her in one of them. (We didn’t get married until 5 years after we had met).

  14. whitney permalink
    November 12, 2008 2:32 AM

    hey allison..don’t fret. we swapped coasts (i’m now in socal) and i’ve been out on 7 first dates in the past 6 months and not one of those have clicked (or they didnt call me back).’s not even about finding someone. it’s more about biology and both people being on the exact same wavelength. your time will come and it’s just meant to be (like getting diabetes). i like to think that i’m much much happier alone than in a loveless, sad marriage. and yes for not thinking twice about uprooting your life!! PS having all your teeth increases your chances 200%.

  15. Kit permalink
    November 12, 2008 10:04 PM

    I met mine at church, really. And you are getting to the right age. Ideally I’d say getting married in the second half of your twenties is best. Pray about it and keep positive. God will do what He’s got in mind for you. I’ll keep you in my prayers as well.

  16. November 13, 2008 7:48 PM

    Hey Alison!!
    Long time no talk. I was looking on the World Diabetes Day site and saw you’re blog. (It’s great btw) And I just have to say, hopefully with out sounding patronizing, be patient. You are BE-U-TI-FUL! Inside and out and their person who is going to appreciate you just hasn’t met you yet. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and the way it is supposed to. Trust that God will send you your match when you are & the match are ready for each other. I met my husband on-line when I was 31. If I would have met him 5 years (even 2-3 years) earlier… I do not think we would have even liked each other. 🙂 Hang in there. And don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.

  17. Angel permalink
    November 17, 2008 10:22 PM

    I know how you feel. I just turned 25, and I’ve never had a relationship. I feel like it will never happen. There seems to be an assumption that if you’re single, you’re dating, but I’m not single and dating; I’m single and romantically challenged. Men just aren’t interested in me. The possibility of love seems more and more elusive and less and less realistic. It depresses me.

  18. Brian permalink
    January 17, 2010 5:09 PM

    I was googling “Love happens when you least expect it” and the keyword patronizing and your blog came up. And take it from a 29 year old gay male who considers himself a failure at dating, you’re not alone! There are so many people who fall through the cracks. But you can’t give up hope! And I’m hoping since you wrote this, you met someone amazing, and if you haven’t, I’m hoping it will happen to you soon.


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