I have been managing diabetes for more than fourteen years. Over time, I’ve learned that taking care of diabetes isn’t usually that hard – the actual act of finger pricks and pressing buttons isn’t a challenge – but juggling of numbers is just excruciatingly frustrating. Numbers are not my friends. I haven’t taken math since my junior year in high school and even then my grades were less than stellar. The fact I have diabetes, which requires a life of numbers, is a cruel joke. My saving grace is the bolus wizard calculator in my insulin pump.
Unsurprisingly perhaps, I don’t enjoy making modifications to my insulin pump. I suffer through days of ridiculous blood sugars and obvious patterns before finally giving in. I don’t know why it takes such effort to make these changes. But once I do, once I raise or lower my basal or bolus ratio a notch, suddenly, everything falls back into place and it’s like I’m a whole new diabetic.
Lately, my life seems to come in sweeping changes. First, new school, new classes and new friends. Then, when that was a done, I did a completely 180-degree turn and went to the other side of the country and into a profession I had absolutely no intention of pursuing. With that came a new city, a new apartment, more new friends and new doctors. Now I’m about to make another huge change by moving into an apartment with a girl I’ve known for two weeks.
Big changes have obviously had a huge impact on my life, both physically and emotionally. I’ve noticed that with diabetes, even small changes can have a huge impact. Whether it’s a half a unit more of basal, a half an hour of exercise, or a few less carbohydrates a day, the results show almost immediately in my blood sugar readings. Suddenly the anxiety from my blood sugar readings dissipates and I’m more relaxed throughout the day. Although the changes need to happen more often than I wish, the positive – or in some cases negative – results are encouraging.
So why is it, despite my obvious willingness to take such risks in uprooting my life, that I am so stubborn in making minor changes in something that has such an immediate positive impact on my health? I don’t know the answer, but I know it needs to change.
Another change. So many changes. Makes me dizzy, sometimes, and I wonder if I’ll fall down from all the shifting.