When I was packing up for my Big Move to the East, I spent a lot of time throwing away things: old clothes that didn’t fit, papers that I didn’t need, garbage taking up space, books that I had already read (okay, I didn’t throw away the books, but I did donate a lot).
It was a cleansing experience to bring with me only the things that represented me and made me feel good.
Now I need to do the same with diabetes.
I have been on autopilot for weeks. My average has slowly been creeping up and I have been blind to the overall effect because my head has been in so many other places. I just checked my meter average, and the 30-day average is resting at 200 mg/dl.
I know that’s bad. You don’t need to remind me. It’s downright embarrassing to test your blood sugar at a diabetes event and have the meter report a 215 mg/dl.
I swear I heard it chuckle.
Obviously, there are a lot of things I could blame: the stress of the move, the lack of nutritious food, the complete absence of any form of exercise, my usual womanly hormones, the heat affecting my insulin… I could go on.
But I can’t keep going on thinking that everything is just going to figure itself out. I was tempted for a moment today to give up on the TOTO technique. I thought maybe this just isn’t working. But I know it works. My average dropped twenty points after I started and it was really good for a couple of months. It’s just been in the spin cycle of the move that things have gone haywire.
Now I need to chuck basal rates that don’t fit and toss bolus ratios that are worn out. I need to polish up my habits. I need to find out what looks good for me as a working professional in New Jersey, not what it was like when I was a college student in Oregon.
I know I can do better than this.